It's been a while since I have taken the time to put myself out there... call it what you will, I'll just refer to it as "a break" {insert Ross Gellar's voice here}. These past 18 months have been, for lack of a better word, interesting. I've been fortunate to have some fabulous, and at times, hilariously ridiculous times. All of which have brought my team so much laughter, that they are keeping a running list lol. I promise to start sharing some of these moments this year. Through it all, change has been the only constant.
18 months ago, I moved out of Draper. Honestly, I didn't foresee leaving Draper anytime for anywhere that wasn't New York City... yet I'm in Cottonwood Heights, living with my sister Coco. Aaaannnddd I actually quite love our condo and little community. We've grown to be a tight-knit crew here, as we were hit with a flood 15+ weeks ago and construction is finally underway. These neighbors are pretty awesome; we have each other's backs.
14 months ago, my role at work changed for the better. A different kind of stress, less clients but more impact. Also, a new team and new dynamics. It wasn't the easiest at first, but now we have our little quirks figured out. Honestly, our crew is pretty much the reason I love my job. Moving to a new channel added new challenges... a lot of travel and a lot of learning to depend on others. Valuable life lesson-- you really don't have to do it alone; it's okay to need help. This lesson is a work in progress.
10 months ago is when I truly began to learn the lesson of letting go of control. My hands and arms were always sore with shooting pains, electrically tingly, all while going numb. I met with my doctor, who, after running through some tests, referred me to a hand and extremities specialist. My appointment with the specialist was, well, special lol. On a Thursday afternoon, I met Dr. Williams. He talked to both my sister and me about some of the exercises and tests he was going to run. Into the third of what felt like a bajillion tests, it was evident that he was concerned. When the tests were completed, he started typing quite quickly and said, "So, Tuesday should be good." I was kind of confused, looked at my phone and said, "Well, ummm, I have a few meetings on Tuesday. What time do I need to be seen again?" To which he quickly corrected me... "It wasn't a question. You are having surgery Tuesday morning at 7:45 am." He explained that I was already at risk of losing all function of my right hand due to both carpal and cubital tunnel syndromes. The nerve issues I had been experiencing were rapidly causing the blood supply to my fingers to slow. My hand was atrophying quickly. He then moved on to discuss my left hand, which was experiencing the same issues at a slower rate. Sparing you a lot of detail and more horrific nerve tests, I had two surgeries in a 4 week period. If it weren't for my family taking care of me, my BFF Laura dressing and redressing all of my wounds, and my work family backing me up DURING open enrollmentš³, I don't know that I could have been able to get through it. Sure, it made 4th Quarter/OE, Thanksgiving, and Christmas a bit challenging, but we pulled through! I couldn't be more grateful. My hands and arms are about 85-90% back, which isn't too shabby. Onward and upward.
You may be wondering what these three events have to do with the title of this post... well, here's where it all ties in. Change can be a catalyst. It forces us to make decisions that we may not have thought we were ready for. We may even have to scrap our plans and create a new one. All of this makes my anxiety spike and reminds me of how grateful I am for modern medicine... #blessyouPaxilandXanax.
Next month is supposed to be my favorite month: Month of Kortni! However, I am stressing about reaching the milestone of my {duh-duh-duuuuhhhhnnnn} "scary age". We all have one, that age in mind where you should have your world figured out. That age when you shouldn't care about what others say/think/feel about you. That magical age where *poof* things should already be in place or be ready to fall into place. Well, honestly I am feeling ill-prepared to hit this one. 16 year old me was full of dreams, plans, and such surety that they would all fall into place. Awww, isn't she adorable and naiveš¤£? Bless her heart.
I've been 29 for six years... Can't I stay 29 forever? I don't know that I'm ready to move on to *gulp* 35. This is an age that brings MAJOR choices and maybe even drastic change. I have to make life decisions about things I can't even bring myself to think out loud. Being single at, well um, 35 {woooaaahhh.} was not part of my plans. Not even version 3,689,341 of the ever-changing life plan was this a blip on the radar. However, I've learned {and am continually learning} that it's okay for plans to change. Life plans should be a living document, not something we write in Sharpie and seal in a laminator. Some parts need to be be written in pencil, other parts in fun colored pen. And the BIG things {like love your family, be a good person, take care of your fellow man, don't be a tool, say please and thank you, take your shopping cart back to the corral, etc} can stay in bold, black Sharpie.
This is going to be an emotional adventure... I better get Dr. Robinson to be on standby lol. The key word is adventure. Let's shoot for a great one! #ImLookingAtYou35
